This episode, I felt, started off the season very slowly and awkwardly. I'm not going to dismiss this season just yet, because I am holding out hope that they are setting us up for some very big drama in the upcoming episodes. It seems from the previews that some stuff definitely goes down, hopefully it all doesn't happen in one episode. Now my Housewives Power Rankings for the premiere!
#1 - VICKY
Gonna start the HBIC in first just to see how things go. She can be counted on for the crazy, as evidenced by previews for the rest of the season. This episode had her mostly being neurotic and uptight. We had a good 10 minutes of her straightening up the house to keep it in perfect selling condition. That was about as much as we saw her until she decided to throw a party at the end of the episode. A great way to keep your house tidy is to invite women over that are known for throwing drinks. Also, her and Don are both still living in the house together that they are selling. CRAZY!
#2 - TAMARA
I guess the biggest thing on the Tamara front would be that she and Gretchen are mending fences. The episode began with them meeting up for lunch which to me felt completely forced. It seemed like neither were really ready to forgive, but Tamara looked a bit more willing than Gretchen. I don't know what the show is setting up for with this though. I am placing my bets on a Tamara VS. Vicky feud, or if the stars align, my dream team of Tamara / Vicky / Gretchen VS. Alexis. I highly doubt that will happen, but a man can dream.
#3 - GRETCHEN
Pretty much equal with Tamara, but I gave Tamara the edge since she gave us the infamous "Is your ass jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth?" line from last year's reunion. Gretchen really needs to step up her game though to stay in the top three. So far it seems like all she has going for her is rekindling her friendship with Tamara. We got a bit of Slade screen time, and there seems to be tension there, so we'll see where that takes us.
#4 - HEATHER
The new girl on the block. I only started her low because I don't know much about her. I didn't put her last because she hasn't proven herself worse than Alexis, yet, but we still have an entire season. She spent the whole episode talking about how rich she was. If we have learned nothing from Housewives 101, it's that those that brag loudest, fall hardest. Heather might be safe from that, but you never know. Anyway, if you haven't look her up yet, her acting credits include an episode of Married with Children. Yeah, take that in.
#5 - ALEXIS
And finally, the worst person in the OC, Alexis. Again, she continues to blather on with her delusions and making sure to find ways to fit Jesus into every other sentence. Tell me, how do you think Jesus feels about Dr. Booty? I guess it doesn't matter to Alexis, because she spent most of the episode with him. In yet another one of her many "successful" ventures she is now a "beauty" and "health" "correspondent" for Fox "news" in California. I use all of the words in quotations VERY lightly. Her "news" segment was hilariously awkward as she couldn't even manage to properly spin a wheel with pictures of asses on it. This lead to her being picked up by her feet by Dr. Booty and wheel-barrowed around the set. Class act. The best part was the cut away to the newscasters realizing just how pathetic it is to live in a world where Dr. Booty gives the news.